1 month

So I know, I said I would post at 2 weeks… That came and went and I didn’t even think about posting. Not much changed between week 1 and week 2.

Today is 1 month in to being on Bupropion (Wellbutrin). I still think it is working, but I haven’t noticed much of a change between week 1 and now. I am feeling like it might be stablizing some though. It may be that things aren’t changing too much right now so my body is just stablizing without the adrenaline of change rushing through it.

I am able to push through my down emotions and tiredness better than I was before. Before starting the medication, when I would get into a down mental state I felt incapable of doing anything. I was completely paralyzed and would sit just staring into space. Now I can tell that I’m heading towards the space zone and can counter act that before it gets bad. I can tell it is coming and find a simple task that has been weighing on me then accomplish it. Most of the time that enables me to push through to the other side of the funk. I think I can realize when my reactions are stronger than they need to be better as well. I’m not sure on that one though. My kids at least tell me I yell at them less. I also think I’m able to see better when things aren’t a big deal and keep myself from making a big deal out of little things.

I was hoping for, and maybe even expecting to see and feel a huge difference. I think I would feel like a different person, and have been so grateful to have my partner alongside me in this process with the constant reminder that he fell in love with all aspects of me. That he is glad the medication hasn’t turned me into somebody else. He is also glad to see my ability to push through the funk and get to the other side become so much stronger.

When I have talked to people about my experience on this medication, I say that I can’t see a big difference. While I’m writing this I visualized that I was an almost complete statue before the medication. I was beautiful already. The medicine came along and was the fine chisel that just smoothed out the rough edges. I am still the same statue, just more refined.

I still haven’t had negative side effects from the medication. I didn’t have any alcohol for the first three weeks of it to give my body plenty of time to adjust. Then after that I have tried 1 drink a couple of times and have been totally fine. I haven’t had a weight change at all. One of the possible side effects is suicidal thoughts and I haven’t had any of those.

I am optimistic that things will continue in this upward pattern and relationships will blossom alongside my confidence in being able to manage emotions and productivity properly.

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